One Day...and Then the Next.

Can we talk about something that is going to make us uncomfortable for a second? I know, our finest moments do not usually come out of discomfort, but sometimes a place of uneasiness can be a place of growth. 

I would like to start out by saying I am not the type to hold grudges. I did not share my story in hopes to hurt anyone's feelings. I know it caught people off guard and I understand that it was, for many, a challenging thing to get through. I find no comfort in bringing an ache to anyone's heart. The story was mine to tell, and I did. Nothing more, nothing less. 

I did not write it out of hatred, but rather, from a place of understanding and acceptance. As always, I will choose love over hate, no matter where we stand. 

I hope these next few sentenced do not come across as hateful. I have seen an opportunity for growth, and I hope you do not mind if I take it. While I have received many positive ripples from my story, I have also received some negative ones as well. Nothing drastic; I believe they came from a place of confusion, rather than hate or anger.

“How can she go from being with a man one day and then a woman the next?”

-Ah, welcome to the uncomfortable, my friends. I hope you are ready to dive in.

This question is a rather loaded one, if I am being honest, and I am not sure the answer will be any less loaded. I know it is easy to assume that the story went in such a way that: one day I liked boys and the next I liked girls, but feelings are not as simple as that. Or, should I say, feelings are not as black and white as that. For me, they were very much grey. I did not just “decide” whom I liked.

I met them and my heart decided. 

In my story, my upbringing was Christianity, so my only options were men. I did not “decide” to like them, they were my expectation. Now, that does not mean I did not make deep connections with the men I chose to be with, I did and still do, value many of those relationships. My ex-husband is still someone I love and care about, very much. We still hold a lot of love in our hearts for each other and I value his friendship, dearly. Same goes for many of the other men I chose to be with. It may not be on a romantic level, but my feelings aren’t, nor have ever been, that black and white.

I am queer, not heartless. 😉

I am sure this experience is relatable to many in the queer community, and that is why I want to address it here. There is this expectation that one must choose between what they are attracted to; that their feelings couldn’t possibly be a little swayed in both directions. Well, having been married to a man and now dating a woman, I can honestly tell you that, sometimes, emotions get a little more complicated than the world lets on. It is not always so clear.

 In my case, I only knew that I was not really attracted to men and that I was kind of attracted to woman, and that whole thing was something I struggled with for a very long time. Again, not black and white, just a whole lot of grey. However, I chose to keep that part of me silent, so when I finally came out as queer, it was no surprise that the people around me were confused by the whole thing. I was confused...it is only fair that they be allowed to be a little confused as well.

This is why I find it so important to remember that, at most times, what we see is not always the whole picture.

Sometimes the perspectives we are given, are only the small fragments a person allows us to see.

My sexuality, like many others, was never a “one day and then the next” type of thing. I was not straight one day and queer the next. I struggled with it, daily, for a very long time. There were many days where I was interested in both males and females, while others I leaned more towards females. My heart was never set on just one gender. It has always been a little bit of both.

And who is to say that even if it did work like that- like one day and then the next- that it isn't okay? Humans are complex beings, made of feelings and emotions that can be extremely intense- would it really be that wrong if someone just decided they didn’t want to place a gender expectation on whom their souls connect with? That they were open to whomever, however they came.

Why does it really matter who someone chooses to love? Honestly, think about it, why does it matter? If a person is happy, and they are not causing any trouble, why does it matter where they get their happiness from. Regardless of our values, our lifestyle, or of our political standpoint, why is it not okay to simply be happy for someone else's happiness? It does not have to be something we agree with, but aren’t we supposed to love people despite their differences? Or have we forgotten what unconditional love is and what our freedom stands for? It is always a choice, friends. I hope we never forget that we can chose the way we respond to people’s differences.

 I truly believe this world would be such a brighter place if we all simply chose love.

Love is one of the most natural sensations, but yet, somehow, we have managed to make it an unthinkable reaction.

Can you imagine the difference we could make, if we all joined together in supporting one another? If we chose to thrive off of our differences, instead of tearing the other down? Wow, the raw, pure, beauty the world would be able to witness if we simply celebrated all the ways we differ.

I think we have the power to change the world, if we truly wanted to.

I say all this, not with the hope to persuade you into believing the same as I do, but to remind you of your humanness. We were born with the ability of choice. We always have the ability to choose: what we do, how we react, when we love. Maybe, can I just challenge you, to remind yourself of this the next time you are presented with the opportunity to choose love or hate? I find myself learning this concept daily, so I promise you will not be alone in this challenge. I too, struggle with finding kindness, love and acceptance to things that differ. We are all continually learning, and that is the true beauty in being human. I hope we never stop learning and that we remain open to things that make us uncomfortable.

This is how we grow. This is how we make progress. And this is how we change the world.

So, the next time we are having trouble understanding someone’s lifestyle or life choices, let's remind ourselves that we have yet to be given the full picture and that there is always more to their story. It is never simply black and white. 

Let’s make it an opportunity to remain human and to love regardless of our inability to understand.

Let’s choose to thrive.

And as I bring this post to an end, I would just like to say that I am always available for an open conversation with anyone who has questions or confusion they would like to talk through. I am here, and I will do my best to welcome any conversation with love, kindness and open-mindedness. We do not have to agree, but I will always be open to the opportunity of growth, for both perspectives presented. I too, chose to learn.

Let’s grow together, my friends.